Well, all the damage reports won' t be in until they run a few more days worth of 24 hour a day reports on all the damage, but it seems my own personal family survived hurricane Jeanne pretty much unscathed. We WILL need a new roof, but we needed one anyway, so this will just clinch the deal. There are a few trees down in the neighborhood, but none in my yard, so I just pretend I don't see the neighbors' trees down in their yards as I drive by and I haven't let it be known that I own a chainsaw. Lots of flooding around and some trailers blown apart, but nobody dead to my knowledge, so that's a good thing.
I have gained about ten pounds since we started having hurricanes just from eating the food. The day this last one hit, I kept telling myself I should study, but was so exhausted from all the prep stuff that all I could do was sit in my chair, watch Tom Terry (my favorite weatherman), and eat potato chips and Oreos. So today, I started back on the cheese and meat diet, with which I have had much success in the past. I have to start wearing white next week and we all know what THAT does to a chunky girl!
In school today, I learned how to insert a Foley catheter. I did pretty well, except the fake penis I had to practice on had some sort of obstruction and the cathether wouldn't go all the way through. Words I never thought I'd hear an instructor say, "You have to pull up really hard on that penis so you can push it through." Apparently, we will get to work on real penises at the end of the semester at the old folks' home. Penises have always been really special to me and it kind of makes me sad that I will see so many of them that they won't be special anymore.
Well, I suppose I shall be a good citizen and watch those presidential debates tomorrow. I am awfully tired of it all, though. I will be surprised if either of them have anything to say that interests me. I would be even more surprised if either of them, once elected, could do anything to make my life better. Our society is pretty f&%^ed up if you ask me, and we've gone so far down the pike, I don't know if we'll ever find our way back. Too bad nobody thought to drop some breadcrumbs......
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Anything for a Story
I am constantly amazed at the utter stupidity of TV news reporters and directors. This is never more evident than during hurricane prep, when every bright, young reporter is sent out to every possible landfall location to see how people are preparing, and then report on the damage as the storm passes. I love the kids who stand out in what is really just a typical rainstorm for us and say,"It's really starting to come down now. If you look over there (camera pans right) you can see some branches that have come off the trees already." Then the camera lands on a few palm fronds laying in the street.
Last night, channel nine, (which I only watch because that is where Tom Terry, the best meteorologist in the country works) sank to a new low. They did a story about two old bats with booze legs, leathery skin, and bleached blonde hair, who are staying put in their condo on the beach in Melbourne. (I swear neither one of them was my mother, although, she is an old bat and is staying put in her condo in Ormond Beach, but does not have bleached blonde hair. Or booze legs.) They stayed put during the last storm, they said, and this one would be no different. They cackled as they showed the reporter how they pressed their hands up against the sliding glass doors as they bowed in under the strain of the winds in Frances. "It was pretty scary", they said, "but we had fun." They showed the reporter the supply of steaks and wine, lots of wine, they had acquired for consumption during the storm. One wonders if they have a gas grill, or if they just light the charcoal right in the house.
Anyway, the anchors had to come on in the next segment and do a sort of discalimer. "We just want you folks to know that putting your hands on your sliding glass doors and trying to hold them in during the storm is not really a good idea." NO DUH.
Well, the winds ARE picking up here, but so far there are no branches down. I'll keep you posted.
Last night, channel nine, (which I only watch because that is where Tom Terry, the best meteorologist in the country works) sank to a new low. They did a story about two old bats with booze legs, leathery skin, and bleached blonde hair, who are staying put in their condo on the beach in Melbourne. (I swear neither one of them was my mother, although, she is an old bat and is staying put in her condo in Ormond Beach, but does not have bleached blonde hair. Or booze legs.) They stayed put during the last storm, they said, and this one would be no different. They cackled as they showed the reporter how they pressed their hands up against the sliding glass doors as they bowed in under the strain of the winds in Frances. "It was pretty scary", they said, "but we had fun." They showed the reporter the supply of steaks and wine, lots of wine, they had acquired for consumption during the storm. One wonders if they have a gas grill, or if they just light the charcoal right in the house.
Anyway, the anchors had to come on in the next segment and do a sort of discalimer. "We just want you folks to know that putting your hands on your sliding glass doors and trying to hold them in during the storm is not really a good idea." NO DUH.
Well, the winds ARE picking up here, but so far there are no branches down. I'll keep you posted.
Friday, September 24, 2004
Live...From the Eye of the Storm
OK, so I've just about had enough of these stupid hurricanes. Could we just have a normal weekend, for heaven's sake, without all the scurrying and nailing and things? My boards from "Frances" just came down last weekend, having been left up in anticipation of "Ivan", who threatened for a while, but didn't even come here. I have no time or energy to go put them back up for "Jeanne", so this will probably be the proverbial "big one" we've heard so much about, and I will lose part of my house. Oh, well. I am once again, watching the news non-stop, looking for any nuance in the sattelite photo that could determine for sure where she will go. My man, Tom Terry, on channel nine, seems to have an instinct where hurricanes are concerned. He was the ONLY weather man who said hurricane Charley would go where it would go a whole DAY ahead, and no one at the NHC would listen to him. He's saying Jeanne will come right over my house, so I'm paying attention. And I predict a network job for Mr. Terry as soon as this hurricane season is over.
What I am not doing is panicking. My other half, Tone Blaster (I don't refer to him as my better half, because he's not) has seen fit to be "out of town" on "business" this weekend. It's a good thing, because if I had to deal with his incessant running in and out the door checking the weather whilst hammering up boards on the outside of the house and ordering the children to turn off the TV and pick up the yard again, I might have to choke him in his sleep. I am simply too stressed.
We've plenty of baked beans and pop-tarts, so Jeanne can just come and get me, by gosh.
What I am not doing is panicking. My other half, Tone Blaster (I don't refer to him as my better half, because he's not) has seen fit to be "out of town" on "business" this weekend. It's a good thing, because if I had to deal with his incessant running in and out the door checking the weather whilst hammering up boards on the outside of the house and ordering the children to turn off the TV and pick up the yard again, I might have to choke him in his sleep. I am simply too stressed.
We've plenty of baked beans and pop-tarts, so Jeanne can just come and get me, by gosh.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Things I Never Thought About
It seems there are a few things I never thought about having to do for patients (excuse me, we call them clients now) when I decided I wanted to be a nurse. Some things have come to light in the last week or so that have given me pause. Oh, I knew all about the bloody dressings to be changed and cleaning up poop and vomit. I am very kind and non-judgemental regarding lifestyles and such, and gosh darn it, people like me. So I was sure I could handle the nurturing part of it. I did not think, however, about having to insert a catheter into an old man's weiner, (oops! I mean penis), and I certainly never realized that sometimes people get so constipated that the poop (I mean feces) becomes a large, hard ball that has to be dug out with a gloved finger! (Guess whose?) Can't wait for the clinical on THAT!
Why do they have to have such long and complex names for things? Example: Purulent exudate. For heaven's sake, would the world come to an end if we just called it pus?
Just like I said in my last post, all storms of a tropical nature will hit my house eventually. Ivan missed me the first time, then swung around and came back, after realizing his mistake. We've had wind and rain all week from his remnants. Now Jeanne, after a week of trying to turn north, has seen fit to come toward, you guessed it, MY HOUSE! I plan to stop by the Home Depot later and see if there is anyone new in the plywood line. Also, I will top off the gas tank before the police tell me I can't.
Why do they have to have such long and complex names for things? Example: Purulent exudate. For heaven's sake, would the world come to an end if we just called it pus?
Just like I said in my last post, all storms of a tropical nature will hit my house eventually. Ivan missed me the first time, then swung around and came back, after realizing his mistake. We've had wind and rain all week from his remnants. Now Jeanne, after a week of trying to turn north, has seen fit to come toward, you guessed it, MY HOUSE! I plan to stop by the Home Depot later and see if there is anyone new in the plywood line. Also, I will top off the gas tank before the police tell me I can't.
Monday, September 20, 2004
Hurricane Happenings!
Hurricane Happenings!
I started nursing school exactly four weeks ago and I should be studying every second, but I felt compelled to write something about living with the constant threat of being blown to smithereens by that awesome force of nature… the hurricane. It seems the world’s weather patterns have shifted somewhat and the ocean is a couple of degrees warmer than it was a decade ago and now every little storm that forms in the middle latitudes of the Atlantic between the months of June and December will turn into a Category 5 hurricane and head straight for my house! Which would be fine- I’ve never really liked the place and it would be fun to have to replace it knowing what I know now.
The real fun comes in trying to acquire hurricane supplies. Now, I’ve lived in Florida for quite some time. I’ve had many near misses from hurricanes, never a direct hit. But I always take hurricane preparations seriously. I keep cans of tuna, baked beans and Vienna sausages in the pantry at all times, rotating stock each year so nothing gets too old. We have containers to fill with water so we don’t have to try to find it at the store or stand in line for five hours behind a semi to get some. I attempt to keep batteries, but now that I have teenagers in the house they disappear into one or the other’s boom box so I have to be careful about re-stocking those, but I feel, in general, that I am prepared enough so there will be no need to panic if the big one comes. Still, when a big storm threatens, I will usually venture out to the Publix to “top off” the hurricane supplies. I get some granola bars, goldfish crackers and boxed milk. We don’t usually have sodas in the house, but I usually get a 12 pack of something with caffeine so I don’t take somebody’s head off the first morning we don’t have power and I can’t have my coffee. And I will refresh my supply of Chunky Soup and Spaghettio’s because you can eat those right out of the can or heat them up on the camp stove if you HAVE to have hot food. If the big one doesn’t come, we will eat those things anyway. People who have never been through a hurricane might think I am overly cautious. One look at the devastation caused in the last month in this state should silence them, I should think.
I am astounded at the cluelessness of some folks, though. The fresh milk goes FLYING off the shelves. After Frances, we couldn’t get milk for a week! What do people do with all that milk when the power goes out? Same with bread. If you need bread, better get to the store a week before the storm hits, because there won’t be any left after that. Then there’s gas. They had to put police officers at the gas stations because there were fist- fights breaking out at the pumps!
The highlight of this year’s hurricane season for me was the night I was at my local Publix, refreshing my supplies. Frances was due to hit the next day, and my favorite weather guy (Tom Terry on channel 9) was predicting a full on assault. We would have 24 hours of really bad stuff and the power grid had already been damaged by a previous storm so we were looking at a possible two weeks without power. Since it was looking so bad for us, I was picking up some extra tuna, soup, batteries and snacks for the kids. A lady and her teenage daughter got into the checkout line behind me with one of those small carry baskets. It contained two cartons of yogurt, an apple, and some hummus, from which I surmised they were probably vegetarians. The woman spied my groceries on the belt and it seemed to jog something loose in her brain. She turned to her daughter and said, “Wait here, I better go get some hurricane supplies.” She returned a few minutes later with a plastic bag containing 4 hard-boiled eggs and two cans of sardines.
I started nursing school exactly four weeks ago and I should be studying every second, but I felt compelled to write something about living with the constant threat of being blown to smithereens by that awesome force of nature… the hurricane. It seems the world’s weather patterns have shifted somewhat and the ocean is a couple of degrees warmer than it was a decade ago and now every little storm that forms in the middle latitudes of the Atlantic between the months of June and December will turn into a Category 5 hurricane and head straight for my house! Which would be fine- I’ve never really liked the place and it would be fun to have to replace it knowing what I know now.
The real fun comes in trying to acquire hurricane supplies. Now, I’ve lived in Florida for quite some time. I’ve had many near misses from hurricanes, never a direct hit. But I always take hurricane preparations seriously. I keep cans of tuna, baked beans and Vienna sausages in the pantry at all times, rotating stock each year so nothing gets too old. We have containers to fill with water so we don’t have to try to find it at the store or stand in line for five hours behind a semi to get some. I attempt to keep batteries, but now that I have teenagers in the house they disappear into one or the other’s boom box so I have to be careful about re-stocking those, but I feel, in general, that I am prepared enough so there will be no need to panic if the big one comes. Still, when a big storm threatens, I will usually venture out to the Publix to “top off” the hurricane supplies. I get some granola bars, goldfish crackers and boxed milk. We don’t usually have sodas in the house, but I usually get a 12 pack of something with caffeine so I don’t take somebody’s head off the first morning we don’t have power and I can’t have my coffee. And I will refresh my supply of Chunky Soup and Spaghettio’s because you can eat those right out of the can or heat them up on the camp stove if you HAVE to have hot food. If the big one doesn’t come, we will eat those things anyway. People who have never been through a hurricane might think I am overly cautious. One look at the devastation caused in the last month in this state should silence them, I should think.
I am astounded at the cluelessness of some folks, though. The fresh milk goes FLYING off the shelves. After Frances, we couldn’t get milk for a week! What do people do with all that milk when the power goes out? Same with bread. If you need bread, better get to the store a week before the storm hits, because there won’t be any left after that. Then there’s gas. They had to put police officers at the gas stations because there were fist- fights breaking out at the pumps!
The highlight of this year’s hurricane season for me was the night I was at my local Publix, refreshing my supplies. Frances was due to hit the next day, and my favorite weather guy (Tom Terry on channel 9) was predicting a full on assault. We would have 24 hours of really bad stuff and the power grid had already been damaged by a previous storm so we were looking at a possible two weeks without power. Since it was looking so bad for us, I was picking up some extra tuna, soup, batteries and snacks for the kids. A lady and her teenage daughter got into the checkout line behind me with one of those small carry baskets. It contained two cartons of yogurt, an apple, and some hummus, from which I surmised they were probably vegetarians. The woman spied my groceries on the belt and it seemed to jog something loose in her brain. She turned to her daughter and said, “Wait here, I better go get some hurricane supplies.” She returned a few minutes later with a plastic bag containing 4 hard-boiled eggs and two cans of sardines.
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