Oh, the humiliation!

Good Lord. Sorry I haven't written anything this week, but I have been very busy trying to pass dressing changes, and it hasn't been pretty. I have donned more sterile gloves this week than Noah Wylie has in eight seasons of ER. My fingers are starting to crack and bleed from all the hand washing. And still the prize eludes me. I have lived my entire life for external gratification and, while I have earned the respect of my peers for sticking with it in the face of such utter humiliation, I still have not heard the roar of my instructors' praise.
I understand the meaning of maintaining sterility and can explain the rationale for every movement. I just can't seem to get through the stupid procedure without making a critical error. The first time I was tested, I forgot to wash my hands after touching the garbage can. I was nervous and distracted because there was extra stuff on the supply table that I was not sure if I was supposed to use so I took it and made extra work for myself in an effort to appear an overachiever. However, it threw off my carefully choreographed rhythm and I forgot the essential hand washing. On my next try, (for a different instructor) I did everything perfectly, except my gauze caught on the dummy's stitches (they're made of fishing line) as I was swiping the wound. I started my swipe over, knowing that I would never do that in real life, that the gauze would not get caught on the stitches in real life and stating to the instructor, "I would never do this in real life." It didn't matter. She let me finish the procedure, then said,"I'm sorry Ms. Dependent, I have to fail you." So today, I tried again, for a third instructor. I made it past the first three hand washings, gathering my supplies, draping the client for warmth and privacy, and had even used the term "serosanguinous exudate" properly. As I was donning my sterile gloves, the final step before actually cleaning the wound, the paper they are packaged in flipped back and MAYBE contaminated my left glove. I didn't even realize it, but the instructor was watching me like a hawk. "Are you happy with your gloving technique?" she asked. I panicked, knowing there was something wrong, but having no idea what it was. "Um, well, it was kind of hard to get the right one on, but I thought I did OK," I said. "I think the paper flipped back and contaminated your left glove," she said. I am a big picture person, and the detail had evidently eluded me in my haste to get to the wound cleaning part. It was unbelievable, I have been getting compliments on my gloving since the first week of school. I must have looked completely panic stricken, because she said, "Let's just call this a practice session and you can practice really hard over the weekend and do it again for me on Monday."
I am grateful for yet another chance, but keep in mind, I have been practicing for a couple of weeks now. My peers, who think I am smart, all run to me as I enter the lab. "Oh, Code, please watch me do a dressing change and tell me what I am doing wrong." I have critiqued many, and helped them to overcome their difficulties. When others watch me, they say, "Oh, you do that so well. I love the way you set up your sterile field." I performed the procedure no less than THREE TIMES in the lab this afternoon with NO ERRORS. I just can't seem to repeat the phenomenon when a person of authority is watching.
Ah, well. Monday is another day. I had better get it right, though. There is only one instructor left and the lab is running out of gloves and gauze pads.